hey hey

They say the first step to fixing a problem is being able to address that there is a problem. Well…. check! And who is “they” anyway?!

I hear it alot lately…. “It looks (or sounds) like you’ve been so busy! That’s so great!” Yep, it’s true. I’ve been real busy this year. But is it really all that great?! Don’t get me wrong, my business being busy is a great thing. It’s successful it’s doing it’s thing. That, I love. But I’ve learned something about myself recently. I don’t know when to stop.

My mind is always going a million miles an hour with thoughts and ideas. The amount of small legal pads all over my apartment with scribbled ideas on them should be a crime. Maybe this is just the mind of a creative. I don’t know. I know I have to totally zone to make headway in work. So I list to-dos or they get lost in the mind that’s running wild, and then forgotten about. But as I cross 3 things off the to-do list I’ve somehow added 5 more things that crossed my mind.

I’m grateful for opportunities to travel. Cause it’s the only me-time I seem to take. I actually step away from work…. well my mind is still going crazy with things and I’m still making notes. But I’m relaxing. Being an ambitious single woman working from home…. I get maybe carried away. If it’s just me in this apartment sitting at my desk, I’ll hit that zone and I don’t stop.

This isn’t all bad. I just need to redirect this a bit. As I sit back and look at my business throughout this year I took more on than I had initially planned. And because of all the things that NEEDED to be done my business has lost that personal touch a bit. Everyday I say I need to blog. I need to post. I need to write. But I immediately hit this wall. I’m in the habit of not being personal, to just get out the info I need to so I can cross that item off the list and tackle the 1645 other things listed. And that is the problem with busy.

That can’t happen anymore.

I’m sitting back now visioning (and writing down) what I have going on and what I want to happen and where I can say yes and where I need to say no. It may be just as simple as outsourcing some things. And hopefully it is. I’ve just hit this roadblock every day and decided maybe I needed to openly admit I’M STUCK before I can move forward.

Truthfully I already feel a weight being lifted. I feel like I can talk to you again! AH!

So there. Step one, admit there was… is…. was… a problem. Now we can move on 😉 I like seeing my business busy. But I don’t want to see me so busy I lose touch of my business. This isn’t created to work that way.

I can actually see the end of my to-do list. I’m so excited to share upcoming projects. Travelling to photograph my couples in stupidly amazing places. The rehaul of options for mentoring and coaching other creatives. And seeing my business flourish forward. Going out of 2015 with a BANG! 🙂

TGIF!

XOXO

Anna & John.

This girl found me on Instagram. Yeaaaaa for Insta! She got hooked to my account & the next thing I know we’re sitting in a coffee shop chatting about their wedding in the Tetons next year. Where they took a risk and just booked a venue. Never been there, never seen in person. Just booked it. I knew then this was my kinda girl.

The day of her engagement a photographer friend and I joked about how this session could go. I knew it would be great because Anna is drop dead gorgeous. I think I might cry when I see her in a wedding dress. But I had never met John. Brides are easy to work with. But could I win over a groom and make him enjoy time in front of the camera. Then I met John. He is so energetic and funny. If he didn’t love time in front of the camera then he was good at pretending. He had both of us laughing so hard we’d have to tell him to be quiet if we wanted a serious look.  Which has me even more excited for their wedding day!!

I love their photos from an evening running around outside Missoula MT. Out on the river and running through random fields on the side of the highway that had gates we could get into haha. I cannot wait for their wedding in Wyoming next fall with one of the best mountain ranges on the planet and the shenanigans that’ll take place on the ranch with all their friends camping nearby. Kind of a dream if I do say so myself.

Did I mention how beautiful Anna is? C’mon! You’ll probably cry when you see the photos of her in her wedding dress! Ha! But until then, we’ll settle with some amazing engagement photos. Let the countdown begin!!!

XOXO

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Fuck yes. Fuck yes.

When you say something twice it just feels like you should say it again. Third times the charm or something. So…

Fuck yessssssssssssssss!

When I first started photographing weddings I thought ‘Man, if I could just be good enough to get one published!’  Then once I had one featured I just wanted more. Then I started making goals to have weddings published by specific publications. And Junebug Weddings was the first to make the list. Right at the top.

I’m obsessed with Junebug. The photographers & images they feature make my creative soul sing. They’re inspiring beyond belief. Then when you actually go to their site the design draws me in. So clean, simple, yet impactful and covered in incredible imagery. And every time I’d look at their site I’d tell myself one day I’m gonna have photos I’ve taken grace these pages.

It isn’t about the details of the wedding or needing to feel validated that my photos are good enough. It’s about the reach to the brides I can identify with across the world and inspire them with beautiful images of love.

In mid-June I showed up at Marlena & Ryan’s wedding. The tables had been put out but that was it. She sat on the porch getting her makeup done, while the boys fished, her dress just hanging in the wine cellar. Even though nothing was really set up and it was just starting to get into motion it already took my breath away. There was something about it. The aura. The vibes. Whatever you want to call it. I knew this was going to be one for the books. And it sure was!!!

At the end of the night I sat in my car. Just sat there. For another 10 minutes. Just watching them so happy, so deeply in love, so drawn to each other and still dancing under the lights strung up in the front yard and I felt like this was the one. This was the one for Junebug Weddings.

I submitted it and just a couple days later they emailed a response. And right there in the subject line….

‘Your wedding has been selected for publication!’

Cue the dancing and jumping and giddy laughing and screaming! For a solid 30 minutes before I even opened the email. Even now I’m still that excited.

On Sunday Marlena & Ryan’s incredible wedding was featured!!! I can’t thank Junebug enough for accepting this wedding and spreading it across the internet, Facebook & Pinterest. *hugs*

Marlena & Ryan congrats you two. You had one of the best and most memorable weddings of all time. And I mean that!!! Thank you for giving me the honor of photographing it!

XOXO

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Michelle & Nathan always knew they wanted to travel somewhere for their wedding and bring their closest friends and family along. At first they thought Scotland! But then she felt like she needed to be more practical. So naturally, the next idea was Iceland! They do have a love for the national parks and decided maybe, just maybe, they should look at having their wedding at one of the national parks. First to come up on the list was Glacier National Park and after one google search, that was it. And last week they came to Montana along with a small group of friends and family traveling from as far as India, just to get married in Glacier National Park.

She zipped up her dress and took one last look in the mirror before stepping outside her cabin to see Nathan for the first time that day. After a few minutes they walked off together and along with their friends and family we caravanned a couple hours north to Many Glacier for their ceremony on Josephine Lake. When we got there it was stunningly beautiful out that day. What we didn’t expect was 40mph winds. And really I didn’t know how Michelle would take it. Did she want to hike a mile and half back to the ceremony spot or scratch the whole idea. She was all in, saying it made a great story and we all began the hike back to the lake where they’d say I Do with their guests circled in tight around them to keep warm and her dress flying in the wind. It was so beautiful.

After the ceremony we headed back to West Glacier for their dinner reception outside under the fall trees. Habitat Events came and set everything up and these ladies are on point! So simple yet so beautiful. Just a little dinner with 24 of the people they love the most.

After dinner and cake we went back into the park to end the day there with some photos. You don’t know what to expect from Montana this time of year. Rain, wind, even snow. It could warm, it could be freezing. But aside from some gusting wind at the ceremony they day was flawless. Well I kinda feel like the wind was a nice touch 😉 High five Universe!

Michelle & Nathan, you looked AMAZING on your big day!!! I wish all the love and happiness in the world!!!

XOXO

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Ohmygosh. The first time I ever had a wedding published on a blog… albeit a small wedding blog… I fist pumped feeling like I MADE IT!!!!!!!!! WHEW!!

Fact…. I still do that, every single time one of my couples gets to grace the sites or pages of publications. In the middle of the summer I find it hard to find the time to send images into publications. With so many weddings and travel it takes me a little while to get them submitted. But I know where I want to send them. After every wedding I know where I think they will fit best and have a short list of 2 maybe 3 publications I’d try with that wedding.

I’ve had a few weddings featured on Luxe Mountain Weddings, even had bride’s book me after reading their blog. I thought it might be a good fit for LMW. Just whenever I could get to submitting things 😉 After posting Carolina and Abe’s wedding to my blog the editor of LMW saw it and emailed herself asking to have it for the magazine and that was a heck yes from me! A few weeks later there it was. In print. In my mailbox.

It’s SO exciting having images featured. But damn the way my heart pitter patters when I can see it in print. Touching and feeling the pages. AH!!!

Thank you Luxe Mountain Weddings for featuring their wedding. It was an honor to photograph it! And a big congrats to Carolina & Abe and their family!!! YAY!

To read the full magazine article and Carolina’s advice on planning a wedding CLICK HERE!

XOXOXO

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A couple months ago a long time friend & fellow photographer, Lauren Wakefield, asked me to write a post for her #wcw series sharing the real me. The me that isn’t always shared on my social media posts. The human in me. The raw and unbound. Just some facts and then a little piece about whatever was on my heart.

The last couple years have been years of big transitions. Although I’m so happy with where they have lead me, at times there were many obstacles. I still deal some of it at times. I finally reached a point where to fully get passed it was to share it. It’s not perfect by any means, not even close. But, my story is my own. And, it’s mine to own.

I jumped at the opportunity to write for Lauren’s blog and started a document that I wrote in over a few days. And when the time came to submit it I read it once. I knew if I didn’t send it immediately I’d throw it out and not write anything. So I sent it. And then I felt like puking. Was I doing the right thing? Was it too much? Was it good enough? Am I even good enough to write this? SHIT?! What does she want from me?!!

The response was overwhelming. From many people I didn’t know to those who had been beside me the entire journey. There was this urge to share it on my own blog. I just decided to wait a bit to share it with you.

I live, work, and thrive in this industry that’s all about marriage. Yet in my own life that was one of my greatest failures. Yet that’s made me believe more in it than ever. We don’t truly learn from successes. We learn from failures. I’ve learned a lot. I refuse to let it stand in my way, make me feel like I’m not good enough to photograph weddings, or define me. But there is power in sharing our mistakes. In being vulnerable. It provides the landing for us to connect. As the wedding season slows down this blog goes back to being more of my journal to connect with you. So… I’ll start it with this little piece.

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I don’t own a microwave,  a toaster, or a broom. Or a plunger. Because those are not fun items to buy.

I’m a mess. Not even a hot mess.

I’m blunt and I swear. A lot.

I’m terrible with money. Well terrible with saving and budgeting money. I’m great at spending it. Afterall you can’t take it to the grave with ya.

Sometimes I let my dishes stack up at the sink until there are no more in the cupboards to use. Ok…. most of the time.

I’m divorced.

My dad died when I was 12. And I hate him for leaving me, even though that’s not really how that story goes.

I’m afraid someone will never deeply love me. The kind they talk about in movies and songs. But I believe it’s real even if I never get it.

It kills me to admit when I’m wrong. My body literally aches to admit I am.

Being a mom is hard. I’m a single one at that. At times it straight up sucks. Sometimes a lot of the time. But the highs have always outweighed the lows. And always will.

There is a fine line between thinking and overthinking. So I’m impulsive.

At times I can get lost in the wheel of judging my self worth based on the number of social media followers I have. So dumb.

I’m controlling.

I believe there is a big difference between being alone and being lonely. And that feeling of loneliness is a choice. At times I choose that feeling, I do not know why.

I’m loud.

I only wash my clothes if they have something on them or they stink… and I can’t cover it up with perfume. Laundry is hard. It’s even harder to put it away.

Recently I was told I’m always rushing and it stresses others out. They were right. Turns out rushing stresses me out too.

I usually have no idea what I’m doing and just make shit up as I go. Sometimes it’s works out. And sometimes it really does not.

I am inescapably flawed.

I believe in tolerance and even more so in grace.

7 years ago I married someone. A great and nice someone. But I married them for the wrong reasons. I was slightly aware of this at the time but thought I could make it work. I was wrong. No ones fault but my own. I lost myself there for a while. I told myself that my happiness didn’t matter. In a way saying that I didn’t matter. Just as long as he and our child were happy. In reality we were a unit, and if one isn’t happy then none of us truly are. I ultimately made the decision to leave that relationship. Not overnight by any means. It actually took us a year and a half to separate and then another year and a half to actually submit paperwork and officially divorce. Because divorce isn’t the easy way. Not in our scenario. At times the backlash I received from people I called friends and family felt like too much to bear. And I did my best to only show the happy times on my social media profiles. As hard of a time as it was, there were still happy times. That came with more backlash. I just felt it wasn’t anyones business but my own. And even now I kinda still feel that way. Although a very difficult decision it was the right one. For all of us.

Through it all I learned a lot about tolerance. And a whole lot about grace. I made mistakes. Some much bigger than others. I’m not perfect.

We all have struggles. We all have issues. We all have bad days. But we also all have triumphs, big and small. And some VERY big 😉 Grace with each other goes a long ways.

The real me has a lot going on. Every day is not amazing. Things happen that make a great impact on us. Positive and negative. That doesn’t mean they define us. But, I am lucky to call this life my own. It’s just a work in progress. I hope it always is.

My best friend is getting married…

But first comes engagement photos.

Last week we road tripped our way to Seattle for a weekend away for photos. Loud singing, very off tune by Amanda, lots of laughter, too much take out, and a lot of rain. But we made it to the Seattle WA area hoping to stop at Snoqualmie Falls and Rattlesnake Ledge first before making our way into the city. But it POURED rain. After a quick regroup we decided the universe was telling us no. That day was not the day. So we listened. Went into the city for drinks made with cotton candy, more food and then crashed out.

Bright and early, actually dark and early, we got up. Grabbed coffee. And headed out to hike Rattlesnake Ledge and go up to Snoqualmie Falls. That day the universe screamed yes. We made it up to the ledge with views for miles and no one in sight, but we passed at least 50 people on the way back down. Then over to falls sneaking our way out there and uh whoa… I legit have no words for how amazing that was. And the rain started just as we got in the car. We had some lunch and went back to the hotel for Amanda & Ryan to get ready for some sunset photos, in hopes that the sun would come out for just a few minutes. And dammit, it did!!! I was so exhausted and almost called it quits saying we don’t need any more photos. But we wanted them and I’m SO glad we did them. Cause holy what?!?!

I don’t really know how to express at this moment how happy I am for my bestie and her man or how obsessed I am with these photos, so I’ll let the photos speak. Also I gotta save my sappy love letter to them for my speech at the wedding of course 🙂

Can’t wait for next summer when I get to put the camera down and just stand up beside these two!!!!!!

XOXO

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Kelley sat there getting her hair done staring out the window at her ceremony site getting rained on. All set up. In the rain. But not frazzled. And no plan b. The ceremony time arrived and their guests gathered and they checked the radar one last time. It said this was the window of time before the rain was going to come. But I had this hunch and ran to the car for some umbrellas just in case, and they came in handy. Cause sure enough as the bridesmaids began to walk down the aisle the rain came. Quickly. Pouring down by the time Kelley walked down the aisle, still with a huge smile on her face.

These two had it all that day in the mountains at Arrowpeak Lodge. Well no snow, but close. With just a few degrees above freezing. Rain. Hail. A windstorm that left their ceremony site looking like a massacre. And more rain. They stuck it out. With smiles and laughter. And after one of the best wedding dinners ever (chicken fried and homemade bacon mac and cheese WHAT?! there was so much more and I won’t even get started on that) we peeked outside to see the rain had stopped. Ran out to do some photos and they were rewarded with a sunset!!!  

It was AMAZING!!!!!!!  I’m so in love with these images. I couldn’t adore Kelley, Chris and their families more than I do. It was so sweet seeing Kelley have her grandma as her matron of honor! And, Chris’ dad made sure to tell people I liked hugs and therefore I received many random, VERY good, hugs ALL day! I loved it.

Kelley & Chris, after being engaged for several years you have finally pulled off an amazing wedding day! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was so beautiful!! Way to smile and love through it all!

XOXO

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It started as just a rainy day. But it didn’t end that way. On the drive to Helena MT for Rachel and Brad’s wedding at Kleffner Ranch there wasn’t even a worry as the rain poured down on my windshield and my wipers flying back and forth as fast as possible. I knew that the rain wouldn’t bother these two. They did move the ceremony from the riverside into the barn for their guests, but even if it had rained all day, Rachel still would have wanted it outside. She isn’t one to worry about things she can’t control. And on this day it didn’t matter what happened with the weather. She was going to marry Brad.

And she did just that. And he married her right back 😉  In the barn. Surrounded by a few dozen of their most favorite people, and their adorable golden doodle. Their pup running in and out of photos, jumping on their hands as they prayed during their ceremony, and bringing a smile to everyone she walked up to. I loved it!

I had crossed my fingers all day that the clouds would lift a little or just part so we could get a sunset. But, you don’t always get what you wish for. As it got darker I was on a mission to make some kinda extra fun photo happen. I grabbed some gear and started wandering the property. Walking through this little path of trees to an opening and there it was. The cloud covered stormy sky lit up by the city lights. And we created an image that was the perfect ending to an amazing day! The rain, change in schedules, and locations, the cold, etc. could never stop what was meant to be between these two. And they didn’t let it even upset or distract them on their perfect day.

Congratulations Rachel & Brad! WHEWWW!!! XOXO!

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This summer has been a warm one and the last few weeks the fires in the northwest have been raging. With several fires of our own here in Western Montana, especially in the Glacier National Park area, we also live in the mountain valleys where all of the smoke from the Washington and Idaho fires blow over and settles. At times visibility ends right in front of you. So far this summer my couples have been SO lucky. Some moving locations due to fire evacuation lines but not limited by the smoke itself. And every wedding day that came with the smoke we’d miraculously have someone looking down sprinkling rain or giving a little breeze moving it out the morning of.  But that didn’t happen for Lindsey & Jason. In fact the highway was shut down about a ¼ mile from their venue and an evacuation order in place just beyond it on the day of their wedding. Lots of love to all our firefighters out there fighting these beasts!

Last month I photographed an amazing elopement where the couple hiked 5 miles to a lake with icebergs and Lindsey fell in love with it. We kept chatting about how she wants to get dressed up again and do that, or a hike somewhere. Or hike in Kauai. They go every year and now that one of my best friends lives there I seem to go often too. As I drove up to Glacier Thursday morning through all the smoke all I could think was maybe this is the universe’s way of telling us we should go shoot in Kauai.  I wasn’t sure how the day would turn out shooting in the smoke, knowing Lindsey & Jason wanted simple photos with killer views. But honestly I’m obsessing over the results. There is this mystical beauty to the smoke. I think it’ll draw you in too.

I walked into the cabin and after some laughs and hugs asked Lindsey how she felt about the smoke. Pshhh she wasn’t even bothered in the slightest. Knowing there is nothing we can do about it. Jason fought fires for many years… so,  it’s sort of part of their story 😉 I’m SO grateful for a year of amazing brides who have been thrown some big wrenches but never worry about what they can’t change.

I later asked her for her dress and veil to photograph and she asked if I was sure?!… cause she might have already ripped her veil and her dress might be dirty haha. Just when I thought I couldn’t love her more she already has this dress dirty and doesn’t care. And she was drop dead gorgeous in it.

They had the sweetest ceremony. Her dad was the last person on earth anyone expected would cry but he did and made everyone cry along with him. And there were plenty of smiles and laughter to go with the tears streaming down their faces. And afterwards we hopped in a red jammer and drove  into the park for some photos. Jason was stoked for the jammer. Super stoked. He didn’t care if we just went for a ride and came back haha!

I’m honestly starting to ramble because I can’t put into words exactly how much I love these two. Jason & Lindsey you are magic together. Thank you, thank you, thank you for including me in your day. I’m so honored! Your dancing skills are ridiculous and we’re all jealous! TEACH US!!! Haha. And really…. Kauai?

XOXO

And a major shoutout to my amazing second shooter for the day, Jennifer Mooney!! Girl you crushed it and I couldn’t have asked for anyone better by my side!

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