hey hey

I recently made changes to my website that I really thought no one would notice. But turns out people did. Maybe even you did. And it’s become more frequent that I hear about it or get some questions regarding it that I thought maybe it was time to address it. This question of ….

So where do you live?

A few months back I changed the title of website to say I’m a Seattle Wedding Photographer. And then I put Seattle on Facebook. And on Instagram. And probably everywhere. And now I’m clearly confusing people.

So here’s what’s up –

I want to move to Seattle! Ha. That’s really the base of it. Montana is beautiful and it’s been my home most of my life. And it will always be home. But my heart has just been pulled in another direction for a while. A long while. There are just so many things holding me back from just picking up and going and whatever happens, just happens. That’s what I want to do. I’m having to resist my  normal impulsiveness.

About 9.5 years ago I went to Vancouver, BC for the first time. Truthfully I left a bit of my heart there from the beginning. I fell in love with the feel of the city, the hustle & bustle, the beauty, mountains all around that I could be up on in minutes, and back down at the ocean in a few more. It felt progressive, where Montana life feels more complacent. To me anyway… just my opinion.

Since then I’ve felt the pull to move away. There are a million other factors, personal ones, about Montana that have also played a part in this desire for something new. Stuff maybe I’m not ready to share yet.

No secret I’m obsessed with Vancouver. I’d love to move there someday but moving to another country is much different than another state! A few years ago I  took my daughter, Caterina, to Seattle for a little mini family vacation. This kid has traveled the world, literally, and she is so in love with Seattle, it’s her favorite. And for the last few years I’ve taken her every year for a summer getaway and it’s become such a special place for just us. At one point she told me she wanted me to take the day and think about it and if I decided I wanted to move to Seattle to move “tomorrow.” If it only it were that easy.

But I’ve put the ball in play. I approached my SEO guy and we built a plan to a get my work noticed in Seattle and the surrounding area so I can start a transition. Which is working!

Do I still photograph weddings in Montana. HECK YES! I still live here. But even when I don’t I’ll always be coming back here. My daughter lives here. My friends live here. My little sister lives somewhere around here 😉 It’s home. And it’s beautiful. I’ll absolutely continue to work and play in Montana probably forever.

I’ve always served the Pacific Northwest for photography, just now I’m telling google I absolutely do 😉 That’s really all. It’s just a transition on a work in progress to keep moving forward in my life.

I’ve been hearing the chatter of confusion and realized maybe it was just time to formally address it. Nothing has actually changed and if/when I move further west, nothing really will change then. I will continue my travels where ever my incredible job may take me.

And there ya have it!!! HAPPY MONDAY gorgeous people!

XOXO

 

 

 

Contact Jackie | Join the Facebook Fanpage | Follow My Life on Instagram | Check out the Website

Last week I found these amazing photos of a slightly shorter and slightly younger me. I started saying out loud, literally, the things that I wanted that girl to know as if she wasn’t even me. So in honor of Throwback Thursday I wrote up a little note to the younger me with killer hair and wicked fashion –

Listen.

Damn girl you are tough.

And weird. But we’re all a little weird.

At times you will feel broken. But you are not damaged.

You always have a choice.

Those things that you feel strongly about, that you feel called to, don’t go away. Follow them. Pursue them. You don’t have to be a doctor or a lawyer to be successful.

Actually success is subjective. You decide what that looks like for yourself. Set your own standards. The world doesn’t own you.

Hustle.

Beauty isn’t skin deep. It’s messy.

What makes you different isn’t ugly. It’s the best part of you.

Go. Just go. Sitting still will kill you. Reflect for a moment. But keep going. You’ll slow down later in life. Just don’t slow down too soon.

The only reason you need to do anything in life, is that it’s what you wanted to do. Period.

Love is stupid. Sometimes crazy. But the best love is crazy AND stupid. Don’t try to make sense of it, just let it happen.

One day Pluto will no longer be a planet. Don’t worry, it becomes a planet again. Well a dwarf planet, whatever the fuck that is.

Have regrets. It means you took risks. Taking risks will eventually lead you to somewhere beyond what you imagined.

Turns out your hair looks awesome when you don’t brush it. So don’t.

Tragedy will come. Don’t push it away or suppress it, accept it, it never truly leaves. Let it build you up, don’t drown in it.

Skip student loans, you’ll eventually follow your heart and not use that degree anyway.

Don’t forget where you came from. Scandinavia. So drink vodka.

Your little sister will one day be your best friend. Crazy… but it’s true. Be nicer to her.

Write. Seems simple, it isn’t.

Laugh and smile everyday. Even on the hardest days there is happiness to be found or created.

You’re pretty damn special, and you matter. Keep it up.

Love always.

 

 

 

Contact Jackie | Join the Facebook Fanpage | Follow My Life on Instagram | Check out the Website

I’ve noticed this change in attitude towards New Years Resolutions over the last couple years but it really took a turn this year. Lots of screw it don’t do em. You never keep em anyway. Waste of your time.

Um… bullshit.

Ok probably not bukkshit to the ‘you never keep them anyway.’ Thus the change in manner towards them. But honestly that’s on us.

Call ‘em what you want but ultimately these are goals you want to achieve for the year. And the New Year is the perfect time to start them. It’s a fresh start. It’s a NEW year. Great time for us to reflect on the previous year and where we want to be this time next year, what we want to accomplish in this next chapter. You should reflect and write down new goals.

We fail at keeping them or crossing them off the list for a few reasons –

1. You didn’t actually make a list. Just came up with some things in your head. Or you’ve put them out there. Telling people about them is great but also put them in writing. You can’t cross them off if they aren’t there to cross off. Write them and talk about them. You might even find those you tell can really help you with them! But do both. Your’e more likely to stay accountable to them.
2. They’re unattainable. Trust me I live in a bit of lala land and think world peace could happen if we just all tried! Haha. But if you don’t set actual attainable goals for the new year well then you set yourself up not to reach them cause they aren’t attainable. I’m not saying don’t dream big. PLEASE do. I’m saying when you write down a goal be realistic in is this something I can do this year, this month, this week… or is this a 2 or 5 year goal. Keep it but don’t give up on resolutions all together because you put an unattainable 5 year goal on your list and you obviously didn’t achieve it in 12 months.
3. We forget to think smaller. For whatever reason we feel these must be grand. But truthfully big changes in our lives result from the smallest acts. And sometimes we just need to write it down & share them to get started with it.
4. The biggest reason we miss the mark on new year resolutions…. we never set up any strategies or tactics to accomplish them. As if putting it out into the universe it will magically happen this week. And sometimes we get lucky and that does happen. But if we want to be intentional with our goals you must include a plan, a map per se, to get there. If you don’t know what direction you need to go how will you ever get there, and how on earth will you know when you’re off track if there wasn’t one to get on?

I get it. I’ve done all of those things. Many times. I’ve finally just hit a point that I’m over it. It’s time to be serious about what we want. And listing off how much of this I want, and I want to go do this, and I want… I want… I want… with no strategy isn’t being serious. There are even times I find myself writing the same goals or a slight variation so it doesn’t appear to be the same, but in fact, it is.

Enough with that. Let’s be intentional with our lives and our desires for it.

Here are my tips on achieving goals –

1. Prioritize your List – You’ll probably find on your list that if you accomplish some of the goals listed they’d actually help you with another one. And leaving all of them to just hang til the end of the year in hopes of getting lucky isn’t productive. Prioritize them. Some to start to now, and the rest for different times throughout the year.
2. Actually follow up each goal with an action. At least one way you think you can accomplish it or set you on the right track to get there. 3 ways is better. We do fail now and again 😉 Doing this you’ll actually create a to-do list for your prioritized goals. Already this feels much more manageable right?!
3. Recognize that each strategy you list might in itself include several tactics to achieve just the strategy. If you don’t recognize and set these up then that bigger goal will never get the golden checkmark.
4. Think small. As said earlier, every goal doesn’t need to be huge. Or maybe you’ve now recognized you need to just get started so bring back a notch. Maybe you’re original goal was to get healthy, but after some thought the biggest area of health you want to work on is getting enough sleep & consistently good sleep. So instead you have this smaller goal now of getting to bed by this time and using an app to track sleep quality and trends from day to day and you’re going to do it until it’s a habit. (which is only 21 days by the way!) It’s not about making “easier” goals. It’s about making them attainable and setting yourself up to succeed. This is actually the same thought process for creating strategies & tactics!
5. Still dream big. It doesn’t all have to accomplished in 2016. You might find just by prioritizing your list, and creating actionable items these 2 and 5 year goals are attainable even sooner!

Don’t skip writing down goals because you failed to set yourself up to succeed. Try again. Write that list. Go back to that list, prioritize and enter strategies. Shit, add more goals to it!!! It might be the 3rd week of January but it isn’t too late. It never is. These don’t have to happen just at the new year, and they shouldn’t. But it’s a great time to remind us to start fresh and try again or go for more. 2016 is your year. It’s yours for the taking. But you have to act on it. Take it. We even have an extra day this year…. look how much extra time we have for activities!!!! Just don’t give up.

XOXO

 

 

 

 

Contact Jackie | Join the Facebook Fanpage | Follow My Life on Instagram | Check out the Website

This summer I took a little mini vacation with a close friend to a little cabin, on a lake, on an island outside Seattle. I just like the sound of that…

a cabin

on a lake

on an island.

Sounds so fancy. It’s really not. It’s cute, quaint, cozy and the most perfect getaway place. So perfect in fact that I went twice this last summer. And I’m going back tomorrow 🙂

But on this first trip a close friend and I had this discussion. Not an argument. A discussion… clouded with emotion. I know that kinda sounds like maybe an argument but it I assure you it was not an argument. At one point in the conversation he looked at me and said…

“I just feel like every time I’m with you we’re constantly rushing!”

Now I’ve learned throughout my life that my mouth can get me into SO much trouble. So, I’ve taught myself to have this inner monologue and keep it in my head unless it’s necessary. I succeed at this maybe 80% of the time. But, as he said this the first line in my inner monologue was “well yea, I’m a bit impulsive! Do you not know this?! We’ve known each other for a very long time!”

I kept that to myself though and let that awkward silence happen at the end of his comment. Which it didn’t end up lasting long, or end up that awkward, and he followed that comment up with

“And it’s stressful”

Inner monologue – “yea it actually is! Wait… did I just agree with him?”

I’m fairly certain I gave him the deer in the headlights look then. Whatever it was at the moment it hit me. Be it just the timing, hearing it coming from him, the tone in his voice… I. Don’t. Know. But, it struck me. Hard. And, he was so very right.

The first half of 2015 was filled with high anxiety for me. I couldn’t figure it out. I didn’t want to call it stress as there was nothing stressful happening. But I knew it was a form of stress. I’ve decided to call it hidden stress. I began to worry about things and I’m normally not much of a worrier. Sometimes even creating scenarios into something much bigger than they were to make me worry so then I at least had an excuse for the anxiety. And, I was overflowing with self-doubt, in every area of my life.

On that summer day, in the kitchen of this cabin, on a lake, on an island, he pegged exactly what it was. It struck me so hard I very vaguely remember the end of our discussion other than it ended quickly after that and I reclused to the bedroom to curl up under the covers, you know where it’s safe, even though it was 11am and I’m REAL close to 30 years old. The blankets are always a safe place! 😉

I’m impulsive. At times to a fault. I don’t know if it’s hereditary, as my father was so impulsive, or that in his life, and in his death, he taught me life is short and to act now.  Whatever it is, I am what I am. Impulsive. This was something people close to me and to my father have often made comments about in a negative way. I grew up thinking this was something bad about me. However in my adult life I’ve come to own it and to celebrate it. In the last couple years I’ve really declared it to the world. But a crazy thing happens when you declare something about yourself to the world –

You become more of it.

And I did. To an extreme. Without fully understanding quick action or how to use it best. And what resulted was decide and conquer… NOW! I don’t know when it exactly started or how but, it snowballed. Yes some things require a decision and action quickly but most things do not. Even when I say I’m considering something, I’ve actually made up my mind. I’ve decided.

And, that is what impulsive means – deciding quickly and confidently.

It doesn’t mean it must be done right this second. That’s where I went wrong. Decide. Do. NEXT!

Rush, rush, rush.

That’s so exhausting. And stressful. Gosh he was so right!!!

That day in June it slapped me in the face. But once you start doing something regularly for a while it becomes a habit and we all know it’s difficult to change habits. Fortunately, we spent several more days together so I had to actively work on deciding, but not pushing, so I didn’t cause undue stress on him, or even myself. But I continued this practice in the following weeks (and I still have to continue it now) and I’ve felt the stress and anxiety just roll off my back. I see a happy me again.

It’s okay to browse the store, it doesn’t have to always be point a to point b. It’s ok to decide on an activity and say we should do it later and make a little plan for it. I’ve always said, and still say, I’m not a planner but my gosh I realize how much more relaxed I am with a simple plan. Details forget that. Outline… that’s where it’s at 😉

I’m still as impulsive as ever. But with some help I’ve learned a solid lesson –

Impulsiveness does not equal rushing.

Once again, life is a work in progress. May it always be. And may I always, ultimately, progress forward.

 

 

 

*Photos by Meg Courtney!*

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My first morning back in Kauai Meg & I were laying in bed together, the sun shining through the windows, the wind blowing the curtains in and sucking them back out again as we watched Westjet’s Christmas Miracle video for this year. They set out a goal to accomplish 12,000 acts of kindness in 24 hours. They crushed their goal. Every thing from playing with orphans, to food for the hungry, toys for kids, toys for rescue animals, a Christmas dinner for a family, family vacations and so much more. Teary eyed and happy we decided then that it was our mission that week leading into Christmas to spread Christmas cheer. Which may have ended in us being idiots to make people laugh all week but it sure was cheerful.

I was actually just in Kauai a month ago to photograph Lindsey & Jason’s day after session but of course I stayed for an entire week to catch up with friends. But honestly other than the day we spent photographing Lindsey & Jason the rest of the trip was pretty meh. It rained everyday and so much drama shit it was kind of exhausting. It was a full moon so that explains so much! 😉 I ended up leaving on Thanksgiving night and after a day of cooking and gathering around the table there was a mutual decision to hit up the bar before the airport. Meg & I drank more than we remember cause at some point in the night before getting on my flight we decided I needed a Kauai redo and booked me a flight back… just 2.5 weeks later. We learned of our choices the next morning when checking our emails seeing travel details. We decided to just leave it and  roll with it.

This trip was full of sun and fun! We made some attempts at surfing and at hiking. We succeeded with camping Polihale beach, kind of a ritual. A new Thai restaurant opened and we made daily trips. The whole time keeping in the back of our heads to send out some holiday cheer. So each day at the beach we blasted Christmas music from the block rocker & sang along for all to hear. Including Ludacrismas. You’re welcome beachgoers of Kauai.

My favorite though was wearing the santa hats & prancing around the beach with them. Anyone who saw us smiled as we yelled MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! The trip we took to Lihue (while hungover) just for the hats was worth it. We needed them. We also discovered 2 tacos for .99 cents at Jack in the Box. Our lives will never the same.

We all know Christmas really isn’t about gifts. As someone who only had one gift under the Christmas tree (which happened to be a new electric toothbrush I bought with the money my grandma sent me, thanks grams!) I have to agree entirely it isn’t about gifts. It really is about others. Spending time with people we love. Acts of kindness. And experiences to last beyond our lifetime. These are what make us rich. And not just at Christmas time.

As we enter the new year that’s my one wish for you. That it’s filled with love, an exceptional amount of laughter, and countless happy experiences!!! And may we all find ways to brighten another’s day, every day, with acts of kindness, be them big or small.

CHEERS!

I guess I have one face I make when we do a group selfie. At least I’m consistent!

Chasing rainbows just about every damn day! Clearly we’re very good at it 😉

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The last few months have been the beginning of what we call in the wedding industry…. booking season. And as the inquiries have come and the chats have began there is this question that has come up more than it has in years past.

Why photograph weddings? You can do anything why do choose weddings?

And it’s true. Couples get snippits of who I am and what I believe and what I stand for on my website and throughout my blog. I could do anything. But I’ve chosen weddings. Why?

Human connection.

That’s it. Weddings are days that are layered with kindness and love. And I know that sounds cliche…. But it’s true.

I’m also aware that not all weddings in the world are sunshine and rainbows. But I’ve put in the work (and continue to) to market to and attract my ideal client. I, without a doubt in my mind, have been blessed with the best couples in the world. There is no negative craziness, drama, or hate on their big day. It’s layered in kindness & love.

I witness their connection with one another and the people around them. The way they embrace. How their moms are so incredibly happy they can’t stop the happy tears from streaming down her face. How she’ll always look up to her dad with great admiration. The way he’s always reaching out to his grandma. And surrounded by their friends the laughter overflows.

There is no categorization. No her side, his side. Just one big family gathering together. Family includes those who don’t even share the same blood. They aren’t his friends or her friends, they’re their friends. There is no separation by the color of their skin, which God they pray to, or their sexuality. Just a common ground of kindness and adoration for each other, differences not making a difference. Just basic human connection rooted in love. A day specifically created for this. The way I think it should always be.

And it doesn’t have to be a big wedding. Even elopements & engagements are filled with these same qualities intimately between 2 people. Simply & uniquely their own. Still rooted in love & kindness. Accepting each other as they are.

These are the moments and stories that deserve to be preserved and shared for lifetimes.

I’m drawn to this human connection. A place in time where it’s simple. It’s tolerant. And it’s gracious. Without effort.

When I lay it out in it’s rawest form I don’t just feel drawn to it. I’m called to it.

XOXO

They say the first step to fixing a problem is being able to address that there is a problem. Well…. check! And who is “they” anyway?!

I hear it alot lately…. “It looks (or sounds) like you’ve been so busy! That’s so great!” Yep, it’s true. I’ve been real busy this year. But is it really all that great?! Don’t get me wrong, my business being busy is a great thing. It’s successful it’s doing it’s thing. That, I love. But I’ve learned something about myself recently. I don’t know when to stop.

My mind is always going a million miles an hour with thoughts and ideas. The amount of small legal pads all over my apartment with scribbled ideas on them should be a crime. Maybe this is just the mind of a creative. I don’t know. I know I have to totally zone to make headway in work. So I list to-dos or they get lost in the mind that’s running wild, and then forgotten about. But as I cross 3 things off the to-do list I’ve somehow added 5 more things that crossed my mind.

I’m grateful for opportunities to travel. Cause it’s the only me-time I seem to take. I actually step away from work…. well my mind is still going crazy with things and I’m still making notes. But I’m relaxing. Being an ambitious single woman working from home…. I get maybe carried away. If it’s just me in this apartment sitting at my desk, I’ll hit that zone and I don’t stop.

This isn’t all bad. I just need to redirect this a bit. As I sit back and look at my business throughout this year I took more on than I had initially planned. And because of all the things that NEEDED to be done my business has lost that personal touch a bit. Everyday I say I need to blog. I need to post. I need to write. But I immediately hit this wall. I’m in the habit of not being personal, to just get out the info I need to so I can cross that item off the list and tackle the 1645 other things listed. And that is the problem with busy.

That can’t happen anymore.

I’m sitting back now visioning (and writing down) what I have going on and what I want to happen and where I can say yes and where I need to say no. It may be just as simple as outsourcing some things. And hopefully it is. I’ve just hit this roadblock every day and decided maybe I needed to openly admit I’M STUCK before I can move forward.

Truthfully I already feel a weight being lifted. I feel like I can talk to you again! AH!

So there. Step one, admit there was… is…. was… a problem. Now we can move on 😉 I like seeing my business busy. But I don’t want to see me so busy I lose touch of my business. This isn’t created to work that way.

I can actually see the end of my to-do list. I’m so excited to share upcoming projects. Travelling to photograph my couples in stupidly amazing places. The rehaul of options for mentoring and coaching other creatives. And seeing my business flourish forward. Going out of 2015 with a BANG! 🙂

TGIF!

XOXO

A couple months ago a long time friend & fellow photographer, Lauren Wakefield, asked me to write a post for her #wcw series sharing the real me. The me that isn’t always shared on my social media posts. The human in me. The raw and unbound. Just some facts and then a little piece about whatever was on my heart.

The last couple years have been years of big transitions. Although I’m so happy with where they have lead me, at times there were many obstacles. I still deal some of it at times. I finally reached a point where to fully get passed it was to share it. It’s not perfect by any means, not even close. But, my story is my own. And, it’s mine to own.

I jumped at the opportunity to write for Lauren’s blog and started a document that I wrote in over a few days. And when the time came to submit it I read it once. I knew if I didn’t send it immediately I’d throw it out and not write anything. So I sent it. And then I felt like puking. Was I doing the right thing? Was it too much? Was it good enough? Am I even good enough to write this? SHIT?! What does she want from me?!!

The response was overwhelming. From many people I didn’t know to those who had been beside me the entire journey. There was this urge to share it on my own blog. I just decided to wait a bit to share it with you.

I live, work, and thrive in this industry that’s all about marriage. Yet in my own life that was one of my greatest failures. Yet that’s made me believe more in it than ever. We don’t truly learn from successes. We learn from failures. I’ve learned a lot. I refuse to let it stand in my way, make me feel like I’m not good enough to photograph weddings, or define me. But there is power in sharing our mistakes. In being vulnerable. It provides the landing for us to connect. As the wedding season slows down this blog goes back to being more of my journal to connect with you. So… I’ll start it with this little piece.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I don’t own a microwave,  a toaster, or a broom. Or a plunger. Because those are not fun items to buy.

I’m a mess. Not even a hot mess.

I’m blunt and I swear. A lot.

I’m terrible with money. Well terrible with saving and budgeting money. I’m great at spending it. Afterall you can’t take it to the grave with ya.

Sometimes I let my dishes stack up at the sink until there are no more in the cupboards to use. Ok…. most of the time.

I’m divorced.

My dad died when I was 12. And I hate him for leaving me, even though that’s not really how that story goes.

I’m afraid someone will never deeply love me. The kind they talk about in movies and songs. But I believe it’s real even if I never get it.

It kills me to admit when I’m wrong. My body literally aches to admit I am.

Being a mom is hard. I’m a single one at that. At times it straight up sucks. Sometimes a lot of the time. But the highs have always outweighed the lows. And always will.

There is a fine line between thinking and overthinking. So I’m impulsive.

At times I can get lost in the wheel of judging my self worth based on the number of social media followers I have. So dumb.

I’m controlling.

I believe there is a big difference between being alone and being lonely. And that feeling of loneliness is a choice. At times I choose that feeling, I do not know why.

I’m loud.

I only wash my clothes if they have something on them or they stink… and I can’t cover it up with perfume. Laundry is hard. It’s even harder to put it away.

Recently I was told I’m always rushing and it stresses others out. They were right. Turns out rushing stresses me out too.

I usually have no idea what I’m doing and just make shit up as I go. Sometimes it’s works out. And sometimes it really does not.

I am inescapably flawed.

I believe in tolerance and even more so in grace.

7 years ago I married someone. A great and nice someone. But I married them for the wrong reasons. I was slightly aware of this at the time but thought I could make it work. I was wrong. No ones fault but my own. I lost myself there for a while. I told myself that my happiness didn’t matter. In a way saying that I didn’t matter. Just as long as he and our child were happy. In reality we were a unit, and if one isn’t happy then none of us truly are. I ultimately made the decision to leave that relationship. Not overnight by any means. It actually took us a year and a half to separate and then another year and a half to actually submit paperwork and officially divorce. Because divorce isn’t the easy way. Not in our scenario. At times the backlash I received from people I called friends and family felt like too much to bear. And I did my best to only show the happy times on my social media profiles. As hard of a time as it was, there were still happy times. That came with more backlash. I just felt it wasn’t anyones business but my own. And even now I kinda still feel that way. Although a very difficult decision it was the right one. For all of us.

Through it all I learned a lot about tolerance. And a whole lot about grace. I made mistakes. Some much bigger than others. I’m not perfect.

We all have struggles. We all have issues. We all have bad days. But we also all have triumphs, big and small. And some VERY big 😉 Grace with each other goes a long ways.

The real me has a lot going on. Every day is not amazing. Things happen that make a great impact on us. Positive and negative. That doesn’t mean they define us. But, I am lucky to call this life my own. It’s just a work in progress. I hope it always is.

Travel isn’t always as pretty as the idea sounds. It’s often uncomfortable.  At times it even breaks your heart. But I’ve decided that it’s ok. Each journey changes us, and it should.

Since the end of last wedding season I’ve been racking up the frequent flyer miles. Travel is incredible. It’s takes everything out of you and then… it can breathe all of life back into you. Since September I’ve been to Palm Springs, Vancouver BC (3x), Kauai (3x), Norway, France, Ireland, and scorching hot Mexico. I am so blessed especially since a lot of those trips could include work in some way. That my “job” could take me places like this. I hate calling it a job. It is. But it’s my passion. What I love. Fuels my heart. It’s my life. Not just a job.

The trip to Mexico it all caught up to me. The uncomfortable part of travel. Until then the uncomfortable was just not being able to sleep on a plane. Drugged or not… I can’t do it. And because of it I’m the one wrapped in a hoodie with her flip flops thrown out on the ground, bags scattered, hat over my face and passed out asleep on a heater (literally ON a heater) in the Toronto airport. Exhaustion settled in. I live the fast life. Which for now I won’t stop doing. It’s too short not to.  But I’ve realized that within that fast life there needs to be slower moments. Because if I can’t have time to reflect on the fast portion can I really appreciate all that happened? I came home at the end of April and decided it was time to stay home a bit. For so many reasons. Sooooo many. It was just time to slow it down. Honestly, it’s been 3.5 weeks and I’m about to lose my mind!!! The itch is back to just GO. But I’m gonna hang in there and chill cause it’s about to be crazy time.

But I’ve had time to look back over the last couple seasons. And man were they beautiful. I vowed to myself this year to step in front of the camera more. It took time to do it and get comfortable doing it often. To not just photograph where I was, but who I was with and us LIVING in it. Although I’ve spent time with so many people in my travels, Meg, has been there on a lot of those trips. So grateful to have such a close friend (really she’s like family) on a similar path in life and able to travel so much. I’ve sat here reflecting on our whirlwind of an “off-season” and I couldn’t be more proud of the women I see in the photos. The transformation from last year to now is amazing. I see myself and love her. Who she is. Where she came from. Where she’s going. I want this for EVERY woman… to be empowered by other great women, but really to empower yourself. To love yourself is a incredible gift.

Words are so powerful. I’m obsessed with good words. I have quite the pinterest board for them even. All intentionally chosen. But, there is one quote that I read and I say it to myself. Not as if someone else thinks it about me. If they do… great. But it’s a line to myself.

“She is delightfully chaotic; a beautiful mess. And loving her is a splendid adventure.” – Steve Maraboli

 

 

 

 

Meg and I forced ourselves to get dressed and take some photos of us living. What an incredible hand we’ve been dealt in life. Lets preserve it. It kinda seemed like a burden and we really just wanted to nap and read on the beach in Mexico. But we pulled our shit together and let the camera be in front of us. And I’m grateful. Life is precious, I know this too well. And the only way to stop time and live through it again, revisit it, share it, is to photograph it.

Thank you Meg for photographing me, just as me. Here are a few of my favorites. Not just me, but also of my beautiful friend.

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From the day she was born she hasn’t been able to sit still. Would drive me crazy that every photo of her was blurry cause she wouldn’t stop moving. So I bought a nicer, “faster” camera. When she turned 2 she no longer needed me… so she thought. Super independent and god forbid I help her with anything. She could do it. So I took a back seat and let her. But honestly I became a bored stay-at-home mom. So I picked up the camera and started learning how to use it. And photographing her. It made me feel included in her little life but didn’t burst her little independent bubble. That’s where it started. I was a “Momtographer.” Was? Is? That title has so much negative connotation in our industry and I get where it applies. But I am. I’m a momtographer. I found a new passion. And I’ve ran with it. Giving her and I better and more fulfilling lives. Most would say I’m not a momtographer as I run a successful photography business full time and do nothing else for work, so I’m a photographer. But I’m a mom, a single mom at that, first and foremost, and then I’m a photographer. So really I am a momtographer.

Some of you may not have even known I’m a mom. Because I keep her out of my business and social media, for the most part. For a few reasons. Social media I use alot, but mostly for business. And my target market of crazy outgoing couples living life out loud aren’t necessarily drawn to children… just yet. So any platform I use for business I don’t include much of her in it. Two, when we have our time together I usually just enjoy the time we have together and don’t feel the need to share it with the world anyway. It’s the time I get with her I want every second with her. You might notice that my instagram slows down when I’m home with her. Cause it’s our time. But mostly I’m not that interested in blasting her all over the internet anyway. There will come a day when I sigh and pray to sweet baby jesus that she’d stop sharing her life on the internet… yet secretly hoping she shares every bit so I can track her. Just kidding!… sorta. Until then I share little for the family members far away. But keep the rest just for me and her. That doesn’t mean I don’t have embarrassing material to use later in her life. Oh I do. But timing is everything 😉

But every once and a while I share her a little in my business. She is the biggest part of my life anyway. Bigger than this business by far. And it’s the time of year when photo shoots start to pick up and we photographers try to get back into the “groove.” At least for me, I spend this time figuring out what the heck my groove was. Everything feels off. That I need inspiration. I know I’m not alone in this. But it just recently occurred to me… we go searching for inspiration in far off places. As if it lives there in the distance, slightly out of reach. Searching the internet for posing and lighting ideas. Traveling. The list can really go on. But really it’s right here. Where we started. The things or ones who inspire us most are closest to us. Our roots.

She is my greatest inspiration. A reason for life. A purpose. The way she smiles and her ridiculous laugh when she thinks she’s funny. It’s really quite ridiculous. But I laugh anyway. Her bold confidence. Challenging at times yet mesmerizing at other times. How she commands your attention without words or gestures, just being. The adventure she always seeks. Simply the way she views life. That’s where it is for me.

I can only hope this is mutual. That I will inspire her to live life by her own terms. To forget what society says she’s supposed to do. And dare her to follow her heart and nothing else, as Lynyrd Skynyrd once said. Although she has added her own line to that lyric of to follow your heart and nothing else, except directions. I’m gonna let that lyric live for a little while, since she’s 7 😉

So as I go through this weird yearly phase of finding my groove or just figuring out what it was, remembering I am good enough, and reminding myself where my inspiration really comes from, I thought I’d share her with you. Since you rarely see her. Beware… I might be biased but I don’t think so, she is too cute for words. And unfortunately she’s aware of that. Dammit.

 

 

 

 

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